Victorian Porn Friday #10

Finally, we’re all caught up to where we should be! The excerpt today is from Memoirs of a Young Rakehell. I enjoy this novel simply because it uses the widest variety of ridiculous euphemisms I’ve ever come across in a Victorian novel (and that’s saying a good deal, since Victorians were often quite fond of euphemisms).

Needless to say, Victorian Porn Fridays are NSFW. (Sometimes Victorian porn is also NSFL, just sayin’. Victorians didn’t seem to have much of a problem with incest and ephebophilia and other things like that.) Victorian Porn Fridays are only for those over the age of 18, as the content is explicit. Clicking to read more constitutes agreement that you are over the age of 18 and sexually explicit material is legal in your area.

This excerpt is from “Memoirs of a Young Rakehell” by Guillaume Apollinaire. Published in 1907. (As has been pointed out in the comments, this is in fact Edwardian porn, as the Victorian era ended six years prior to this novel’s publication. It is also a translation from the original French, although as far as I’m aware it’s a period translation; there’s nothing about it that rings false when compared against English porn novels written during the late Victorian era.)

And with that she took her leave. That evening, after having eaten a hearty dinner, I took some wine, ham and dessert back with me to my room. The chateau was soon asleep. Finally, after what seemed like hours, Madame Muller came in. My heart was beating like a triphammer. I embraced her, and gave her a French kiss, which she returned. I undressed quickly and showed her my prick in a most presentable condition.

“Don’t get so excited,” she warned, “or we’ll waken the whole house and set the tongues to wagging.”

She bolted the door. I fastened her mound in a tight grip, and found it slightly swollen, and her clitoris extremely hard. I stripped her down to her petticoat, and lifted it high. Seeing her dressed you’d have taken her for thin, but she wasn’t in the least. In fact if anything she was on the fleshy side. Her dark pubic hair, I noticed, climbed all the way up to her navel.

She must just have washed, for her Lady Jane was odorless. Then I stripped her completely and was amazed to find how firm her breasts were. They were only moderately large, and her nipples were set in a small field of light brown hair.

Lifting her breasts, I saw that she also had some short, fine black hairs underneath. Her armpits were likewise covered with hair as thick as a man’s.

What surprised me most as I examined her more closely, were her well raised buttocks, whose cheeks were set close together. Along her backbone ran a fine line of black hair, from top to bottom. The sight of all this healthy fleece caused John Thomas to harden even more.

I ripped off my nightshirt and straddled the lovely creature, whose rhythmic movements set my pickle slapping back and forth against her belly.

We were in such a position that we could clearly see ourselves in the mirror. I led her toward the bed, where she sat down and said: “I know you want to see all of me.” She raised her legs and displayed her hairy cunt right up to her pot hole. I immediately set to tonguing her, and lingered at the task for quite some time. Her lips began to swell. When I went to insert my tool, she laughed and said: “Not like that. Get on the bed.”

I asked her to please use the familiar “thou” form with me, and to allow me to do the same with her.

I got onto the bed. She climbed on top of me and I thus had her whole beautiful body before my eyes. She told me to play with her boobies. Then she grasped my prick, paraded it awhile against her love lips, and at the same time asked me to be sure not to come inside her. Then she suddenly shoved my tool in right up to the ballbearings. She was riding me so strenuously that it was almost painful. Round about that time she came, and I could feel all the warmth of her cunt, hear her heaving sighs, and see her eyes roll back in her head.

Realizing that I was also on the point of coming, she got quickly to her feet.

“Hold on a minute, young fellow, my lad,” she said in a voice still trembling with emotion, “I know still another that’ll satisfy you without making me pregnant.”

She turned round; her buttocks were now facing me. She bent down and took my prick in her mouth. I followed her example and began tonguing her love lips, lapping up the female love-juice which tasted like a raw egg. She stepped up the play of her tongue against my glans, and with one hand she tickled my balls and buttocks, while with the other she gripped my penis.

I stiffened with pleasure. She thrust my prick as far in her mouth as possible. Her most secret parts were staring me full in the face. I seized her buttocks, and plunged my tongue into her pothole. I lost control of myself and ejaculated in her mouth.

When I recovered from my momentary rapture, she was lying beside me and had pulled the blankets up over us. She was caressing me, thanking me for the pleasure I had given her, and asked me if I had enjoyed it as much as she.

I had to admit that I had enjoyed that position even more than normal coitus. And then I asked her why she hadn’t let me come inside her, since she was married.

“For that very reason,” she said. “My husband is impotent, and can tell whenever I cheat on him. Oh, God in Heaven! what I have to put up with from that man!”

I asked her to tell me all about it. She said that her husband could get an erection only if she beat him with a rod until she drew blood.

She likewise had to let him strike her, but only with his hand, and now she was so used to it that she enjoyed it more than it hurt her. He also made her peepee and shit in his presence, so eager was he not to miss a trick. And he got especially worked up when she had her periods.

After she had struck him fifty or even a hundred times, she had to hurry and slip his half-erect member inside, for otherwise it fell limp, except when she licked his buttocks or let him lick her between the toes. Whenever that happened he was able to keep a good hard on, but all these things were pretty disagreeable.

“And on top of all that,” she concluded, “the old rascal spends all his time in church.”

Her story had aroused the flagging spirits of my John Thomas. Madame Muller had hastened the resurrection by tickling my balls. She had me get between her legs, and turned over on her side. She scissored my buttocks with her legs, so that we were both lying on our sides, face to face. It was a good position, allowing us to lie closely interlaced, and at the same time leaving her titties exposed to my tongue.

I was holding her cunt, which the bout of pleasure had caused to narrow, with my hand. Both of us thrust our fingers into the other’s arse-hole. I let my prick slide softly into her cunt, and began to rock as before, sucking her nipples all the while.

I kept my finger moving in her throbbing arse-hole. She came a second time with a cry of delight. She had taken hold of my balls from behind and was squeezing them so tightly that she hurt me, and I had to ask her to let them go.

After having caressed me gently, she turned her head toward the pillow, so that her magnificent buttocks were prominently displayed. I had her rise to her knees and lift her buttocks high. I sent a wad of spit flying into her pothole, and thrust my prick in easily. At each stroke I felt my balls bounce off her buttock cheeks.

She kept telling me how good it felt. I could touch her hairy cunt with one hand and fondle her breasts with the other. Just as I was about to come I started to withdraw but she contracted her buttock muscles around my glans, and I ejaculated squarely into her arse-hole. Afterwards she told me that that was the first time she’d done it that way, and that, although it had hurt in the beginning, in the end she’d enjoyed it.

Feeling my prick harden in her buttocks hole, her sensual forces had awakened and she had had another orgasm at the same time as mine.

“But that’s about enough for today,” she decided, smiling.

38 Responses to “Victorian Porn Friday #10”

  1. Carolina

    ROTFL!!! Really and truly!

  2. 5 Ridiculous Sex Myths From History (You Probably Believe) | Chib

    [...] halter tops and assless pants. In public, that is. In private, they made up for it by producing extraordinary amounts of porn. And not just any porn, but the type of porn that would make the most seasoned Internet deviant [...]

  3. Melissa

    Throughout the whole thing, I kept saying, “What am I reading? WHAT AM I READING?! THIS ISN’T NORMAL!!” But I finished it.

    I lost it when it said “peepee”.

  4. Lisa

    This was so good, I had to go take a cold shower afterwards.

  5. Isaiah

    Jesus, dude!

  6. bobby

    totally hot story i got hard readin it :)

  7. Jason

    I have the weirdest boner.

  8. rebecca

    Lmao @”Buttocks hole.”

  9. Not-Even-An-Historian

    This is Edwardian porn. 1907 was 6 years into the Edwardian era. Good ol’ Queen V died in 1901.

  10. 12 year old

    What am I reading?

  11. Brodie

    i laughed so much. i couldn’t take it seriously because it was waaaaaaay too hilarious to read.

  12. Um ...

    So what, he was screwing a gorilla? Hair under her breasts??

  13. Amy

    I say, quite a riveting read, dear fellow!

  14. J

    I don’t know how to react to this!! loll

  15. Hannah

    If I was male, I would have the wierdest boner right now…

  16. Missy

    Wow. The French make us Americans look like frickin prudes.

  17. Andrew

    “So what, he was screwing a gorilla? Hair under her breasts??”
    Her name was Mrs Muller – she was clearly German. Hence the filth needed to excite her husband.

  18. Krause

    Good lord that’s some unholy shit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  19. SoYeah

    Well, I learned a lot about how old some of the slang terms we still use are.
    I mean, “I have to pee” is still in our vocabulary. “Came” still means orgasm, testicles are still “balls,” I’m fairly certain I saw “hardon” in there, and “cunt” was in there still referring to a vagina. They even had “boobies” in there.

    From a linguist standpoint, it was fascinating. From every other standpoint, this woman had hair under her “boobies” and it made him more aroused.
    Only in the days before television…

  20. Hmm...

    Wow…and I thought that the internet was depraved…

  21. i dont know how to feel about this....

    ok i must agree…if i was male i would have a weird ass boner but still honestly why was he aroused by a gorilla woman?

  22. Doug

    I guess it only shows that sex is and has always been the most fun you can have without clothes on.

  23. Nell

    So what was depraved about this? (OK, the woman’s husband’s interests do lean towards – but believe me, only “towards”! – the boundaries of “extreme”), but the sexual acts described between the two main protagonists in this story are nothing but straightforward, fun acts of passion between two consenting adults, both of whom enjoyed the whole thing immensely – and, which makes a nice change, in an honest way.
    If modern porn were honest and genuine like this, it wouldn’t have its sleazy image. Why not enjoy sex with someone who enjoys it as much as you do? I suppose the anal sex is offensive to some (I know that in many places it’s actually illegal, even between married couples, but that’s to stop women being forced into it if they’re not willing), but what else here is actually offensive in any way? It’s a bit too graphic for me to find exciting (I like “suggestive romantic erotica” as opposed to graphic descriptions of sex – but that’s just my preference), but I found it in no way vulgar, offensive or crude. Just good fun.
    And as for the woman’s body hair: any man who objects to that is frankly a selfish idiot who doesn’t realise that women shouldn’t feel obliged to shave off their naturally occuring hair just to meet artificial stereotypes – most of which come straight out of stupid porn movies, which represent sex about as UN-realistically as this story represents it how it really is – with mistakes and all.
    On a linguistic level, I agree that this is interesting too: many modern words were obviously in use by then (if this is not a “modernised” translation, of course). In case anyone is interested, by the way, some linguists believe that the word “cunt” is derived from the Old/Middle English word “coun”, meaning “a deep, narrow pocket or bag”. The word evolved into “cunt” and was actually in common usage for a long time, only gradually losing its polite meaning and acquiring nothing but its vulgar meaning. There was even, until prudery took over, a street in London called Great Cunt Street because it was a long, narrow cul-de-sac which resembled such a pocket/bag.
    All in all, this was a great read, and thanks to robinwolfe.com for uploading it!

  24. NinjaSpartan

    Craaaaaaaaazy man! xD

  25. Fanfiction of the day...

    Hahaha seriously. All of this purple prose is ridiculous.

    http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/PurpleProse

  26. Fanfiction of the day...

    Hahaha seriously. All of this purple prose is ridiculous. Even still, I now know what people mean when they have the weirdest boner.

  27. Lu

    It’s just how natural some things were and should be, it’s nice to read because they’re honest, and they accept each other the way they are xD, or what is better, THEY GET TURNED ON no matter how they are, I mean, I imagine there are women who would be ashamed to have hair in those parts nowadays here, and men who would think it’s a boner killer too, yet they accept those things naturally, I like that.

  28. K Maynard

    In response to SoYeah, the language in this passage sounds too modern to have been written in 1907, and certainly it wasn’t, as this is a passage from a book by Guillaume Apollinaire, a French writer, who published this book in Paris–in French.This is a translation, surely. As this was written in French, in Paris, during the Edwardian period, this has nothing to do with Victorian England, as far as I can tell.

  29. rwolfe

    If you peruse the other Victorian Porn Friday entries, all of which were written in England during the Victorian era (with the two exceptions listed below), you will see that the terms and rhythm used are remarkably consistent with this entry. As far as I’m aware this is a period translation, but if it isn’t, I tip my hat to the translator, for zie did a fantastic job at capturing period-appropriate writing.

    In the future when an excerpt falls slightly beyond the Victorian era (1837 to 1901) I’ll try to remember to post a note to that effect in the header. Functionally there’s no real difference in language between very early Edwardian and late Victorian, but accuracy is always a nice thing anyway.

    #6: Anti-birth control essay written in the 1920′s
    #9: “Fanny Hill” written in 1749

  30. Abby

    First of all, let me share my sentiment about how hard I was laughing… I got linked here by Cracked (go figure) and as soon as read, “She must just have washed, for her Lady Jane was odorless.” I flipped my lid. I wanted to go back to my article but I just could. Not. Look. Away. Aside from bursting with laughter ever few moments because of the hilarious word usage this was a really good read. I use the word cunt a LOT. As in, more than any “proper” female should and I’m glad that I’m not the only one who had a good laugh.

  31. Raven

    As funny as it was, it was still an interesting read.

  32. Brit

    I lost it at

    I asked her to please use the familiar “thou” form with me, and to allow me to do the same with her.

    And I also wondered if he was screwing a gorilla. At the same time, as a woman, I know these places of hair are quite common, but you don’t spell ‘em out! Up to her navel? Geez, I’ve never had pubes to my navel. I thought we called that a happy trail and the trail was only happy on a man!

    Nonetheless, quite enjoyable. Clicked from Cracked.com!

  33. Anonymous

    @Neil
    First off, what the womans husband does isn’t just ‘towards’ the boundaries of extreme; what this guy is doing is just downright creepy. The whole S&M thing is, in my experience, generally accepted but portrayed as kinda weird. So is A2M. However, the whole pissing and shitting thing, alond with the incredibly strange toe issue, is just friggin creepy. Also, I’m not a woman, so I wouldn’t really know, but the hair is just not right. If you have hair on your SPINE, there is something wrong with you. The hair under breasts and up to your navel is also weird. And I don’t think anyone else noticed, but light brown hair at the nipples and short black hair on the backbone and under the breasts? That seems more than a little weird. And I also don’t think that anybody said anything about depravity or anal sex. I mean, why are you even taking so much care to hate on all the nonexistent criticizing commenters? Granted, you could say the same about me, but I just really hate trolls.

  34. Aaron

    @Anonymous
    dude.. you just turned yourself into a troll.. writing a paragraphs worth of bashing is def grounds to call you a troll. and hairy chicks were the thing back then.. who cares. as for the hairy on spine, nipples, under tits, underarms, and up to the navel, i seriously doubt it would be very hard to find a female with the genetics required to meet that description especially in older eastern europe bloodlines. you’d just never know because now days they shave and wax it all off. and yes i just trolled you and bashed your shit all to hell.. hypocrite =D

  35. Hentaidesu

    I asked her to please use the familiar “thou” form with me, and to allow me to do the same with her.

    This is almost certainly a very clumsy translation of his asking her to “tutoyer” him—i.e. to address him as “tu”, instead of “vous”. Technically it’s sort of right, but it’s horribly out of date, as “thou” and “you” were often used the same way in English, but in the 1600s, not the 1800s!

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